Thursday, September 27, 2001
Graphology is suddenly all the rage, after a British expert analysed Osama Bin Laden’s scrawl, and concluded that the terrorist is egoistic, has a lust for violence and a huge libido. We asked a team to analyse scribbles of some of our personalities. Here are the results.
Atal Behari Vajpayee: The team of graphologists deduced, by studying the impressions on the reverse of the paper, that an old hand was at play, since there was a distinctive lack of pressure in the formation of letters. They also noticed an absence of continuity and fluency in the writing. The experts attributed it to either of two things: an arthritic wrist or long thoughtful pauses. After much deliberation, they ruled out the second option because nothing thoughtful came after the pauses. The writing also revealed the sensitivity of a poet (after all, the man had written an urdu couplet). However, the graphologists weren’t willing to hazard a guess about the quality of poetry the hand could produce.
Laloo Prasad Yadav: The team of graphologists were stumped by this one, since all they had was a thumb impression instead of a writing sample. An expert on thumb prints was flown in from the CID branch, Delhi. He concluded five things after a close study. 1) The owner of the hand was a Bihari (“No one in this day and age except a Bihari would use thumb impressions”) 2) Owned a Tabela (“The sample reeks of fodder”) 3) Was a TV addict (“Thumb impression had dents, possibly made by overuse of a remote control”) 4) Was a jailbird (“Thumb has calusses”) 5) Has an unsatiable libido (“By the time, I had reached my fourth conclusion, I knew the hand belonged to Laloo”).
Sonia Gandhi: The first thing the experts noticed was the foreign hand. They also concluded that it belonged to an Italian since the sample contained only two words: “Mamma mia.”
Arundathi Roy: The experts were of the opinion that the writing was the work of a Greek. The arrived at the conclusion by a process of elimination. The panel has a representative from every country except, unfortunately, Greece. And none of them could understand what was written.
Amitabh Bachchan: The panel found it extremely difficult to get a writing sample. They finally found a signature on a discarded, bounced cheque worth Rs 1 crore. They concluded, by the false flourish, that this was not the man’s actual signature. Interestingly, they pointed out that it was not signed by a Parker Vector pen.
Atal Behari Vajpayee: The team of graphologists deduced, by studying the impressions on the reverse of the paper, that an old hand was at play, since there was a distinctive lack of pressure in the formation of letters. They also noticed an absence of continuity and fluency in the writing. The experts attributed it to either of two things: an arthritic wrist or long thoughtful pauses. After much deliberation, they ruled out the second option because nothing thoughtful came after the pauses. The writing also revealed the sensitivity of a poet (after all, the man had written an urdu couplet). However, the graphologists weren’t willing to hazard a guess about the quality of poetry the hand could produce.
Laloo Prasad Yadav: The team of graphologists were stumped by this one, since all they had was a thumb impression instead of a writing sample. An expert on thumb prints was flown in from the CID branch, Delhi. He concluded five things after a close study. 1) The owner of the hand was a Bihari (“No one in this day and age except a Bihari would use thumb impressions”) 2) Owned a Tabela (“The sample reeks of fodder”) 3) Was a TV addict (“Thumb impression had dents, possibly made by overuse of a remote control”) 4) Was a jailbird (“Thumb has calusses”) 5) Has an unsatiable libido (“By the time, I had reached my fourth conclusion, I knew the hand belonged to Laloo”).
Sonia Gandhi: The first thing the experts noticed was the foreign hand. They also concluded that it belonged to an Italian since the sample contained only two words: “Mamma mia.”
Arundathi Roy: The experts were of the opinion that the writing was the work of a Greek. The arrived at the conclusion by a process of elimination. The panel has a representative from every country except, unfortunately, Greece. And none of them could understand what was written.
Amitabh Bachchan: The panel found it extremely difficult to get a writing sample. They finally found a signature on a discarded, bounced cheque worth Rs 1 crore. They concluded, by the false flourish, that this was not the man’s actual signature. Interestingly, they pointed out that it was not signed by a Parker Vector pen.
# posted by Ashok @ 6:55 AM 
